Routine or Unpredictable - choice is yours

Hello my dear fellow bloggers, how you have been? My days are going a bit unpredictable and exhausting. But then, that’s how life is, right? You expect something and you receive something else. Why does that happen? Well no one knows why and this unpredictable range of events becomes exhausting. But it shouldn’t be exhausting if we all claim to love surprises. The thing is we like the surprises that are within the limits of our imagination and expectation. Others are sheer source of disappointment.
I know expectations get us tricked into wanting more and wishing for more. So, how to get rid of this source of disappointment? Let’s try to renovate our thought process and our behavioral nature. Suppose you know everything that is going to happen today and tomorrow. You know what troubles you are going to face, you know which happy news are coming your way, you know what surprise package is about to arrive at your doorstep. You know all the events that are on your way. How does that feel? Safe? Happy?  I don’t think we are ready for this kind of predictable life. I mean given this situation the events won’t be just probable events, they will be “sure” events. Let it be good stuff or bad stuff, you can’t stop the event from occurring. How does that really feel? Even while I am suggesting the idea, I am having goose bumps.
I am a Paulo Coelho fan. Quoting him “You think adventure is risky? Try routine. It’s fatal.” And I completely agree with him. There is a tinge of magic in our lives. The source of this tiny pixie dust is the nature of events in our lives – unpredictable. Happy news won’t be exhilarating if we can predict their arrival, isn’t it? And trust me even if you think that if only you knew this trouble is going to come up you would have been prepped up for it, it’s not true. Howsoever you try; you can never be prepared enough to face the troubles or anything else for that matter.
Don’t go on banking your schedules behavioral changes on the probable occurrence of some event. Just step out there into the world. Take chances. Build yourself strong. Teach yourself to be brave. Teach yourself to stand up for yourself. Learn self defense. Learn to care for others. Learn to broaden your thoughts. Challenge yourself every day. Push your limits. Revive your imagination and creativity. Let your soul breathe and thrive.
There are not enough answers to our “whys”. This is because we ask “whys” to steer our soul, to spark our thought process but we end up feeling empty and worthless.
Stop your whys and start with how. “How can you make things better?” “How can you improve yourself?” “how not to ask questions that lead to disappointed alleys?”
“How to live without regrets?”
Get answers to the “Hows” and you won’t be bothered about the “ Whys” anymore.

Sound of Silence

Teenage years: we all have been there and came out of them. Some of you might have just entered this “golden to remember, rocky to get through” phase of your life. And some of you, like me, believe in the fact that even when you have crossed 19, you are still a teenager. 

People say teenagers are weird, confused, without any aim in life. Well if that is still the definition of a teenager, I am still in my teens. I feel I was surer about what I want in my life during my teenage years. As I am growing up, in my “tys” , I miss my teenage years. Life used to be easier those days. Or at least that’s what I feel as I am looking back now. I had some determination in my mind, some achievements I could boast about and some true friends. Those friends I made in my school days, I still have them. They are still my source of strength. I trust them and I love them. And they reciprocate the same towards me.

The wheel of time rolled on and we grew up. We are adults now, according to law, not according to our Indian parents.

 Indian parents have a good trap of words and intelligent policies in their bag of replies. When they want you to start working and stop robbing them, they will tag you with “adult” tag. “You are grown up now. You should bear your own expenses. Go get a job and make our lives easier. Don’t become a couch potato or we won’t pay your bills anymore” and blah blah blah. But try to ask for permission to go for a tour with friends to hills of Manali. And they will play their “ you are still a kid” card. I feel much of my difficulty to believe in the fact that I am an adult now and not a teenager anymore, comes from my parents’ continuous flip of cards.

During my school days, we used to have “life skills” classes. They used to teach us how to deal with peer pressure, parental pressure and study stress and all. It would have been realistically more effective if we could get those lessons now in our post graduate years. I never faced any pressure or trouble from my peers during my school days. But right from my college days to my university days, I am having hard time dealing with this stress. Now that you are legally adults you should be free to choose and free to take your stand. Without any fear or without any doubts in mind, you should follow what you feel is right. But do you get to do that always?

One day a boy was walking on the footpath, swinging his arms high. By mistake, he hit an old man, with his hand, who was coming from the other side. The old man was angry as his nose was hurting now. He asked the boy “Why are you walking like this?” The boy said “I am sorry but it wasn’t my mistake. You should have been more careful while walking. I was moving my arms as I have the freedom of movement.” The old man composed himself and said “My young man, remember this for the next time. Your freedom of movement ends where my nose begins”.

This is the situation we all might relate to in some or the other times in our lives. Everything we get in life comes with hidden terms and conditions. Of course you have freedom of movement, but you cannot take a step that would make you the villain in eyes of some people. Of course you have the freedom of speech but you cannot speak a word against people who might never think once before complaining about you. Why not? Well, ‘cause you are supposed to be the nice one. You are supposed not to mess up with people who have all the freedom in the world to play with your life. While a crowd is misguided and fortunately or unfortunately you are part of that crowd, then, may god save you! Any effort on your part to give the crowd a right direction is going to make you seem to stand out. The crowd’s previous leaders may not like it and they will make you burn in their wrath.

How do you keep your ability to differentiate between right and wrong alive under such situations? You chose to do nothing. You chose to go with the flow even though you know there is a waterfall ahead and you are going to die while you fall from such great heights. At moments like these, you realize not everything in life is black and white. There are different shades of grey and we are living in those grey shades.
                       I don’t know if this is the right way to deal with the situation. But if you are stuck in a situation like me where you know whatever you say or do is going to be framed and used against you, best policy is to keep quiet. Just assume that you are dumb and you cannot speak a word. And if people start getting on your nerves just tell yourself, they can’t harm you without you giving them a reason to. So for the best of two world, to deal with all these peer pressure, all you need to do is Be Quiet.

Life is not a fair teacher, it’s a cruel boss. But we all are going to get through every day and become stronger. Hakuna Matata. Breathe in and breathe out. Just get through the days- one day at a time.

Goodnight everyone.

The quest that never ends...

A journey starts as you head for a new city. My journey started when i left Kolkata for Pondicherry. Even though Kolkata is a metro city, I wanted to move out of the city.

 I wanted to be closer to nature, somewhere where my heart would have been at peace. And thus I crossed miles… and reached Pondicherry. I came here in search of the sea. The first day I went to the sea, I felt I am where I belong. The continuous never ending waves, the breeze with splashes of water… the lullaby waves would sing to the spectators- and I fell in love with sea all over again.

One fine morning, before sun woke up, I and my friends walked to the beach to welcome the sun. Cool breeze made us shiver. But all sleepy head got hung high in happiness as we reached the beach. We saw sun rising slowly high up on the sky. I ran in to the waters, leaving my foot prints as I ran splashing waters. I felt little five years old who had just overcome all her fears of water. 

But in sometime, the sea started affecting me in a strange way… I started realizing how far I have come from all my near and dear ones. I have reached a destination where I have a home among my friends, my home away from home. But my heart is still not at peace. I was searching faces of my loved ones.. and each time the waves touched my feet and went away.. I felt getting more and more distant. I was drifting away. I was there yet my mind was wandering. “If you wish to find where your heart is, let your mind wander freely. Where your mind reaches is where your heart resides”.

I was dragged back to the present day as my friends’ laughter interrupted my conversation with the waves. A tear left my eye.. and I walked back to my friends. All the time we will miss something or the other, but that can’t stop us from living in this moment..

And my meeting with sea didn’t end here. This summer I had to attend training in the city of dreams- Mumbai. This city never fails to welcome me with the kind of warmth we feel when we go back home. 

In eyes of a person who came from Kolkata and had spent a year in Pondicherry, the life in Mumbai city is a world of fantasy. The speed with which everything moved… the way everyone was moving on to meet another opportunity, another hope to make their dreams come true. Initially, I experienced two weeks of hot summer of Mumbai. 

And then I started counting days to experience the most hyped weather of Mumbai- Rain – the love of my life!!! And trust me I was never more happy to meet rain than I found myself as I met Mumbai rain… it was one evening when I was travelling in Mumbai local (the most convenient public commute of the city- I mean it!), and down came the rain... the first rain of Mumbai. City lights where gleaming through the rain drops. I felt rain embrace me with cool breeze and drizzle as I stood beside ladies compartment door. 

One lady saw me enjoying the sight of rain and she said “Wondering why rain came at night and not during the hot torturing day time? Actually God knows, the people in this city will curse him for sending the first rain while they just left for their work in the morning. Just to make us realize that we are blessed… he sent the first rain at this time”. I smiled back at the lady… and resumed my first rain experience in the city of dreams.

Did you watch “Wake Up Sid”? I am kind of in love with that movie. And for that reason and many more, I wished to experience rain and sea together once. And yeah, with the help of my guarding angel, my companion, my wish came true. Mumbai had totally embraced rain. Mumbai and rain were like two lost lovers, united after a long time.
 We reached Marine Drive… and oh god! Rain, Mumbai, Sea- the soulful combination- welcomed us with a smile. As I type these words the memory is so live in my mind, I am feeling Goosebumps … and my lips are curving up to a big smile. My companion had a umbrella open… but the child in my heart wanted to feel the rain. So as we sat there gazing at the sea silently, we were on our own. We both were individuals in independent exclusive conversation with the sea. I was drenched in happiness… for me nothing could have replaced that moment I was experiencing. I was in love with Mumbai… and once again, I was where my heart was. And I felt I was at home- the place I belong to.

I would have been in love with Rain-Sea combination had I not experienced rain- hills view. The lush green Lonavla hills…. The endless waterfalls… bus speeding through the rain drenched roads… I felt I was alive only for that moment. My heart told me I just fell in love again… and this time it wasn’t sea. It was the lush green mountains…

My journey has just begun… I am traveler in my mind… I will be traveler on foot someday soon…

I left home for the love of Sea… and now I can’t set myself free. I am yearning for the mountains… I was following my heart.. but on the way my heart wandered somewhere out there… to be in Mother Nature’s lap.Amalgamation of Sea and Mountains----someday might quench my thirst to travel. And there shall be a reunion. My heart will meet my soul.

Bong wedding

This is a page from my diary i would like to share with you people :

Have you ever been to a traditional bong wedding? Being a bong I have been to more than one since my childhood. And today is one of the most important Bong wedding I am going to attend. Today is my sister, Anwesha’s wedding.

I had many a things planned to do for her wedding- get my hair smoothening done, buy a lens and what not. But as we all know man proposes God disposes. So yesterday I gave my last semester exam of my 1^st semester and now I am 35000 feet above the ground – off to wedding! My friends back at hostel are more excited about this wedding. They are all those people who miss home at some point of time. And I am that one person who is always happy to be away from home. Even today I don’t even feel like going and staying at home. I just wanna attend the wedding and head back hostel soon. Yes, I know I sound crazy but I guess I find my peace when I am away from home.

Okay now focus on bong wedding. I will surely give you all a detailed account of this wedding I am about to attend but before that if I ask you what is your favourite part of bong wedding if you ever attended any? Tell me your favorite part in the comment box. Meanwhile let me tell you my favourite part.

*Shubho Drishti* this is the best moment for me. Its that one moment when the bride’s eyes meet the groom’s eyes and even if the bride has seen the groom in what-so-ever get ups- formal, casual, tradiotional- she never saw him as handsome as he looks now in front of him. Every bong girl dreams of this moment. And the guy, for him, that moment proved again that he surely loves this girl in front of him, for she looks just as the way he dreamt her to look on their wedding date- or may be reality is more beautiful than dream J

Now I am in flight and I guess I should sleep for some time. Beauty sleep J

Trust me it gets worse

Date: 17.11.14

Time: 8:00 PM

Where I disappeared for one day is simple to explain. First yesterday was Sunday (yes, we all know how important Sundays are for everyone). And second reason is more obvious- I had an exam today for which I was least prepped. Umm, not least prepped, it’s more like deliberately giving up and act of study. You know that feeling when you have a whole bunch of things to study which you never even glanced upon once? And then you feel even if you glance on it one day before the exam what’s the use, how much will the brain retain? Yes, that’s exactly how I felt yesterday. I call this state of my mind as “state of withdrawal”.

You know back in my home city I used to be this freaked out student who got tensed like anything with slightest breeze of exams. And here, I guess I am the least freaked out person. It might seem like I am taking things lightly or rather giving less importance to this thing called “semesters”.

But trust me if you can, that’s not the fact. I am not taking anything lightly. I have chosen the fact that I can’t study everything and remember everything in the exam, so I do selective study. And I try to keep myself focused in whatever topic I study. I might study less but I ensure I study efficiently. Then again I know people out there might not see my efficiency or accuracy but my mark sheet. We always have a choice right? So I choose accuracy over quantity of marks. I am reaching that phase of my life where I am bothered only by the words of people whom I care about; rest of the world can talk to my hand.

Last night I was bit stressed. Something inside me told that today’s exam won’t leave me with a good memory. I was talking over phone to one of my bestest friend, Rikoo and I told him I don’t know what I will do in exam today. He said you seem like asking the question as Dora asks in her show. And he mimicked the way Dora give us options for a question. And he quiet effortlessly cooled down my freaking nerves. I laughed and told myself “Let it be. Whatever happens let it happen”.

               Sometimes you have that one friend who knows how to calm you down and who tells you, you are capable of achieving whatever you want to. With a friend like that life gets a little bit bearable. For me, Rikoo is one of that friend of mine.

So how was today’s exam? You know I had that fleeting “give up moments” right amidst the time of exam. I made a sincere and continuous effort to not give up and finish the paper somehow. A voice in my head was pushing me hard asking me to leave and not to write the answers half efficiently. What I felt was sheer “frustration”. Yes that’s exactly how I describe it.

In the morning my mother called me up to wish me all the best. And she said “even if you don’t know the answer of the questions you make sure you at least write something in each question. Just don’t leave any question.”

So, mom, I wrote the paper for you. Yes I wrote every answer but if someone gives me to check my own answer I wrote today, I will tear it and throw it away.

Let the bygone be gone. There is no point in lamenting in what you could have done. That would do more harm to your present moment and won’t even change a thing about your past.

So remember what I said in my last post? “This too shall pass”, so why worry and have wrinkles when you can smile and have dimples?!

P.S: 2 down, 3 more to go.

Oh! actually its four more to go. It seems we have a soft course tomorrow. Subject: Introduction Basic Ecology. So wish me luck and rest of you have a good night. I meet you again tomorrow.

and yeah, exact 4 months later its my birthday :D

The Grand Finale : Semester Exams

From tomorrow a battle begins. And as blogging is my new talking-to-my-diary feeling, I will write an account about each of my days during this battle tenure. I don’t know how this topic might turn out, but you never know –the most stressed out moments of your life often end up being the most hilarious moments of your life.

So here I go

Date 15.11.14

Time 12:48 AM

I have got still a lot of my syllabus portions to cover up but instead I chose to write down about what’s going in and around me. This is because my head is getting heavy with sleep inside it but the tension about the exam is enough to keep me awake even when half of the words I am reading is not even entering my mind. One of my roommate is fast asleep as she is fortunate her exam starts from Monday and not tomorrow (which is practically today!!)

One of my friends, Gini, is trying hard to keep another friend, Puri, awake. Both are trying not to doze off. I just had a walk through my hostel and I am back in midst of these books and the never-ending syllabus.

We are giving internal exams pretty much from the beginning of our 1^st semester and now its getting too much. Too many weeks of my life in Pondicherry is being spent amidst books. And I need a vacation.. a true long and relaxing vacation and preferably alone! But then that being a far-fetched dream for now, I unwillingly move back to my books.

One last thought: why is it that during the exams every other thing around you makes you yearn for everything other than motivate you to study? I mean why it has to rain for two days just before the exam and make the weather cold and cozy? And why all of a sudden do all the busy people you tried to call up when you didn’t have exams, have become free and getting hurt as you are not replying to them?

Leaving you with these questions I sign off for today. Let’s hope tomorrow is better day for all of us.

P.S : even if the day doesn’t turn up well, you know, you always can treat yourself a chocolate :)

Date: 15.11.14

Time: 7:41 PM

We came back from exams in the afternoon after lunch. Then I soaked some of my clothes for washing. You see this is the thing. In normal weekends I will laze around and hate the idea of even washing a single cloth. And today I am more enthusiastic to wash clothes and bed sheet and what-not. I wonder how this thought processing works in our mind. All of a sudden every other work in the world grabs our interest and attention apart from the act of study. Just the thought of studying makes us sit and cry our same old anthems “why study?!  Why exams?! We need a vacation please!!!”

So after a nice shower I had around 2hr long sleep. I woke up fresh but alas! I feel sheer hatred to study. I mean how can I explain you this thing in my mind. It’s like you get to same old thing everyday every time and that one thing is “study for exam” because every day in my University is an exam day. I am just reaching saturation level of giving exams.

About today’s exam- well it went for long. Hell of a lengthy paper it was. I still can’t believe the fact that I wrote the paper for 3 hours without even looking up from my paper. And at the end when we were to submit our papers I realized I wrote 33 pages in the booklet containing 44 pages. I felt proud of myself, not because I wrote all correct things but because I made answers long ones and that proves I can someday be a good story teller.

So one down, four more to go!

Keep the countdown going. The only thing good about exams is how-so-ever they piss you off, they always come to an end.

After feeding myself a cup-a-soup by using the apparently hot water in the water purifier of the hostel, I brace myself for the next tornado. Monday is going to be one hell of an exam day.

Signing off for today, see you guys tomorrow.

P.S : i have two phrases i chant in my head to keep myself calm . Always remember come what may,good or bad, these four words hold true for all- "This too shall pass". So even if these exam days are getting challenging for you, you know, this too shall pass.
And another phrase is better said in a song. 

 Hakuna Matata : go on click on it and enjoy the song :)

What Does Happiness Mean To You ?

The moment I held my little nephew in my arms, he was one day old then, I felt something pure and true. A feeling as pure as that, is very rare at times, especially when we associate all our feelings to some events or objects which we can’t even control. Only one word describes what I felt at that moment. I felt happy.

            Being happy is in our hands, or that is at least what I hear people say. I often hear people advice each other “Don’t tie your happiness to any person, because when they leave you, you feel like your reason to be happy, has left you too”. I wonder if the people who are saying this really felt the true essence of this little word of advice.

Happiness being a conquest can hardly be fought alone. You need a hand to give you strength, to tell you are not alone. Once conquered, you tend to expand the boundaries of your “happiness” territory, and thus you share the happiness. And that’s the way you spread happiness.

            Walking my way from my hostel to my department, I see butterflies in the bushes-green, pink, yellow and multi-colored designed butterflies. And in an instant, I know, I am in the “happiness” territory of those butterflies. They shared their happiness with me, and thus extended their territory, one smile at a time.

In the bright day light with the scorching sun hitting on our heads, I and my friends walk back to the hostel for lunch. Even when all of us are too tired to walk, there will be at least one person who will say something, and then we all will be laughing aloud while walking, like a bunch of drunkards. Me and my friends merge and enlarge our territories at moments like this.

Music, teddy bears and chocolates are my any-time-happy-time stimuli. One hug from my teddy, and one bite of chocolate- and I am at the top of the world. 

And music connects me to places I want to be at, with the person I want to be with. Music makes me feel happy.  And loved too.

            

My university is near to a beach.

And that is one of the few reasons as to why I chose this university. Sea has always been the most effective stimuli of my happiness. Standing at the sea shore, letting the waves kiss my feet, I close my eyes. And the waves come and go in a rhythm. I feel I am right amidst the ocean. Yes! That’s serenity. That’s happiness. That’s freedom.

Mask of Love : Roll back to childhood

            I smile and I embrace every moment of happiness. For every moment I live is a memory I create. And when I reread pages of my diary, I want to be happy again. I wish the feeling the never leaves me. I wish my conquest of happiness never stops. 

I wish I don’t ever have to wish to be happy and my happiness territory expands to everyone who reads this.