Trust me it gets worse

Date: 17.11.14

Time: 8:00 PM

Where I disappeared for one day is simple to explain. First yesterday was Sunday (yes, we all know how important Sundays are for everyone). And second reason is more obvious- I had an exam today for which I was least prepped. Umm, not least prepped, it’s more like deliberately giving up and act of study. You know that feeling when you have a whole bunch of things to study which you never even glanced upon once? And then you feel even if you glance on it one day before the exam what’s the use, how much will the brain retain? Yes, that’s exactly how I felt yesterday. I call this state of my mind as “state of withdrawal”.

You know back in my home city I used to be this freaked out student who got tensed like anything with slightest breeze of exams. And here, I guess I am the least freaked out person. It might seem like I am taking things lightly or rather giving less importance to this thing called “semesters”.

But trust me if you can, that’s not the fact. I am not taking anything lightly. I have chosen the fact that I can’t study everything and remember everything in the exam, so I do selective study. And I try to keep myself focused in whatever topic I study. I might study less but I ensure I study efficiently. Then again I know people out there might not see my efficiency or accuracy but my mark sheet. We always have a choice right? So I choose accuracy over quantity of marks. I am reaching that phase of my life where I am bothered only by the words of people whom I care about; rest of the world can talk to my hand.

Last night I was bit stressed. Something inside me told that today’s exam won’t leave me with a good memory. I was talking over phone to one of my bestest friend, Rikoo and I told him I don’t know what I will do in exam today. He said you seem like asking the question as Dora asks in her show. And he mimicked the way Dora give us options for a question. And he quiet effortlessly cooled down my freaking nerves. I laughed and told myself “Let it be. Whatever happens let it happen”.

               Sometimes you have that one friend who knows how to calm you down and who tells you, you are capable of achieving whatever you want to. With a friend like that life gets a little bit bearable. For me, Rikoo is one of that friend of mine.

So how was today’s exam? You know I had that fleeting “give up moments” right amidst the time of exam. I made a sincere and continuous effort to not give up and finish the paper somehow. A voice in my head was pushing me hard asking me to leave and not to write the answers half efficiently. What I felt was sheer “frustration”. Yes that’s exactly how I describe it.

In the morning my mother called me up to wish me all the best. And she said “even if you don’t know the answer of the questions you make sure you at least write something in each question. Just don’t leave any question.”

So, mom, I wrote the paper for you. Yes I wrote every answer but if someone gives me to check my own answer I wrote today, I will tear it and throw it away.

Let the bygone be gone. There is no point in lamenting in what you could have done. That would do more harm to your present moment and won’t even change a thing about your past.

So remember what I said in my last post? “This too shall pass”, so why worry and have wrinkles when you can smile and have dimples?!

P.S: 2 down, 3 more to go.

Oh! actually its four more to go. It seems we have a soft course tomorrow. Subject: Introduction Basic Ecology. So wish me luck and rest of you have a good night. I meet you again tomorrow.

and yeah, exact 4 months later its my birthday :D

The Grand Finale : Semester Exams

From tomorrow a battle begins. And as blogging is my new talking-to-my-diary feeling, I will write an account about each of my days during this battle tenure. I don’t know how this topic might turn out, but you never know –the most stressed out moments of your life often end up being the most hilarious moments of your life.

So here I go

Date 15.11.14

Time 12:48 AM

I have got still a lot of my syllabus portions to cover up but instead I chose to write down about what’s going in and around me. This is because my head is getting heavy with sleep inside it but the tension about the exam is enough to keep me awake even when half of the words I am reading is not even entering my mind. One of my roommate is fast asleep as she is fortunate her exam starts from Monday and not tomorrow (which is practically today!!)

One of my friends, Gini, is trying hard to keep another friend, Puri, awake. Both are trying not to doze off. I just had a walk through my hostel and I am back in midst of these books and the never-ending syllabus.

We are giving internal exams pretty much from the beginning of our 1^st semester and now its getting too much. Too many weeks of my life in Pondicherry is being spent amidst books. And I need a vacation.. a true long and relaxing vacation and preferably alone! But then that being a far-fetched dream for now, I unwillingly move back to my books.

One last thought: why is it that during the exams every other thing around you makes you yearn for everything other than motivate you to study? I mean why it has to rain for two days just before the exam and make the weather cold and cozy? And why all of a sudden do all the busy people you tried to call up when you didn’t have exams, have become free and getting hurt as you are not replying to them?

Leaving you with these questions I sign off for today. Let’s hope tomorrow is better day for all of us.

P.S : even if the day doesn’t turn up well, you know, you always can treat yourself a chocolate :)

Date: 15.11.14

Time: 7:41 PM

We came back from exams in the afternoon after lunch. Then I soaked some of my clothes for washing. You see this is the thing. In normal weekends I will laze around and hate the idea of even washing a single cloth. And today I am more enthusiastic to wash clothes and bed sheet and what-not. I wonder how this thought processing works in our mind. All of a sudden every other work in the world grabs our interest and attention apart from the act of study. Just the thought of studying makes us sit and cry our same old anthems “why study?!  Why exams?! We need a vacation please!!!”

So after a nice shower I had around 2hr long sleep. I woke up fresh but alas! I feel sheer hatred to study. I mean how can I explain you this thing in my mind. It’s like you get to same old thing everyday every time and that one thing is “study for exam” because every day in my University is an exam day. I am just reaching saturation level of giving exams.

About today’s exam- well it went for long. Hell of a lengthy paper it was. I still can’t believe the fact that I wrote the paper for 3 hours without even looking up from my paper. And at the end when we were to submit our papers I realized I wrote 33 pages in the booklet containing 44 pages. I felt proud of myself, not because I wrote all correct things but because I made answers long ones and that proves I can someday be a good story teller.

So one down, four more to go!

Keep the countdown going. The only thing good about exams is how-so-ever they piss you off, they always come to an end.

After feeding myself a cup-a-soup by using the apparently hot water in the water purifier of the hostel, I brace myself for the next tornado. Monday is going to be one hell of an exam day.

Signing off for today, see you guys tomorrow.

P.S : i have two phrases i chant in my head to keep myself calm . Always remember come what may,good or bad, these four words hold true for all- "This too shall pass". So even if these exam days are getting challenging for you, you know, this too shall pass.
And another phrase is better said in a song. 

 Hakuna Matata : go on click on it and enjoy the song :)

What Does Happiness Mean To You ?

The moment I held my little nephew in my arms, he was one day old then, I felt something pure and true. A feeling as pure as that, is very rare at times, especially when we associate all our feelings to some events or objects which we can’t even control. Only one word describes what I felt at that moment. I felt happy.

            Being happy is in our hands, or that is at least what I hear people say. I often hear people advice each other “Don’t tie your happiness to any person, because when they leave you, you feel like your reason to be happy, has left you too”. I wonder if the people who are saying this really felt the true essence of this little word of advice.

Happiness being a conquest can hardly be fought alone. You need a hand to give you strength, to tell you are not alone. Once conquered, you tend to expand the boundaries of your “happiness” territory, and thus you share the happiness. And that’s the way you spread happiness.

            Walking my way from my hostel to my department, I see butterflies in the bushes-green, pink, yellow and multi-colored designed butterflies. And in an instant, I know, I am in the “happiness” territory of those butterflies. They shared their happiness with me, and thus extended their territory, one smile at a time.

In the bright day light with the scorching sun hitting on our heads, I and my friends walk back to the hostel for lunch. Even when all of us are too tired to walk, there will be at least one person who will say something, and then we all will be laughing aloud while walking, like a bunch of drunkards. Me and my friends merge and enlarge our territories at moments like this.

Music, teddy bears and chocolates are my any-time-happy-time stimuli. One hug from my teddy, and one bite of chocolate- and I am at the top of the world. 

And music connects me to places I want to be at, with the person I want to be with. Music makes me feel happy.  And loved too.

            

My university is near to a beach.

And that is one of the few reasons as to why I chose this university. Sea has always been the most effective stimuli of my happiness. Standing at the sea shore, letting the waves kiss my feet, I close my eyes. And the waves come and go in a rhythm. I feel I am right amidst the ocean. Yes! That’s serenity. That’s happiness. That’s freedom.

Mask of Love : Roll back to childhood

            I smile and I embrace every moment of happiness. For every moment I live is a memory I create. And when I reread pages of my diary, I want to be happy again. I wish the feeling the never leaves me. I wish my conquest of happiness never stops. 

I wish I don’t ever have to wish to be happy and my happiness territory expands to everyone who reads this.

Life in Pondicherry

 A part of India which is far away from rest of the country. Yes its literally that, “Far-away”. And Life in Pondicherry University is another exclusion from the rest of the world. We live here day in and out fighting through internals, starving for good food while trying to save every penny, skipping breakfasts to attend the classes, and  then again sleeping in the lectures ‘cause every night we kill sleep while trying to finish assignments and record notebooks. Life here has one entertainment – Pondicherry University Wi-Fi (which at this moment has left us all alone to make us concentrate more on books than Facebook).

Life is fun with hostel mates and classmates as we are all freaking out because of same misery. Making a heap of clothes and not bothering about them until the weekend drops on our head and we have got nothing “clean” left to wear.

Weekends are even crazier than monotonous mundane stressing weekdays. Throughout the week we all tend to make list of works we will complete in the weekend. We make plans about places to visit, and stuffs to eat. But as soon as the Friday evening arrives, we hit the bed and our plans also lose their existing importance and all the excitement about them just runs off. We end up lazing the whole weekend as we have a lot of sleep to catch up to.

Pondicherry to me is independence as well as solitary confinement. Independent life has its own perks. Since I never knew that before, I just splurged into the journey towards unknown. But every wish has a price. In this case I paid the price of being out of the world without contacts with even the closest of friends. 

Seriously we never know what we shall become or what life will make out of us. Sometimes we just go with the flow.