Visit to Heaven on Earth

Hello my fellow bloggers, how is your life going on? Don’t ask about mine. Don’t worry I will tell you about mine even if you don’t ask. That’s why I am here. Right now I should be studying. I have an exam tomorrow. But what am I doing exactly is quite different from what I should be doing. Well that’s what my life is all about. I never do what I should be doing; rather I choose to do something I wish to do. I know that’s pretty immature behavior of mine, but I am surviving well enough, so I guess whatever it is that my wishes are made up of, they are worth my attention.

Have ever gone to a place where you looked at the beauty of the nature and you became awestruck? Have you ever seen nature unraveling its secrets in a way that left you spellbound and speechless? If you ask me these questions, I will reply loud and clear Yes!

Last week I boarded on a bus with my friends to get away from this mundane stressed out life. In the morning when I woke up I felt happiness run through my whole body. We were at the mountains!!! Finally the cool breeze, beautiful clouds, curvy roads going up and up…. exhilarating view outside the window. I can’t sum up my feelings into one sentence. I love mountains as much as a kid loves ice cream. And my love for mountains had expanded with time as I spent more of my days near the sea or the plains.

We reached Kodaikanal in the morning. It’s a beautiful heaven in Tamil Nadu, 8hrs journey from Pondicherry. The first place we visited was Silent Valley. As I got down from bus and walked up to the cliff from where we could oversee the valley, I felt happy. I felt thrilled. I felt I was alive after a long period of hibernation. I could feel tears on my cheeks. These were signs of my overwhelming emotions that my heart couldn’t retain inside. And it was just the beginning. Each and every place we visited thereafter was no less than heaven. Clouds floating everywhere, fogs playing hide and seek with us. Beautiful birds chirping and singing all through the pine forest.

We trekked through the waterfalls and forests. I was walking on my fours, crawling all the way through. I figured out, the only way one can safely trek up and down the forest was by walking like our ancestors, apes.  

Walking through new roads in a new town discovering places and roads with few of your close friends at the hour when your parents believe you are indoors fast asleep, was really an experience worth having. I hope the thrill of this tour keeps my soul alive and sparked up.

We are running after money and all the materialistic things that money can buy. But once in a while, get out of your comfortable room and walk out in the wild, with stars and moon shining above your head. You will know what life is all about. When you climb up and down a cliff, you will have count of your breath. You will be aware of every single moment of your existence on earth. That’s what life should be like.

Dear Mountains

Until I meet you, I will keep dreaming about you.

You were wired to worry but not to give up

What is your life all about? How do you decide what you want in life? How do you know if you are making a choice or something out there is choosing you? How do you know the dynamics on which our life runs- not biologically…but philosophically? What makes you get up late at night from sleep, sit in the darkness and think- what next? 

These are few questions I am currently dealing with. Or, better way to put it is, these are some questions my sub conscience is dealing with. I have sleepless nights and sometimes I am awake in my sleep. I am wide awake walking through the road I have chosen. But I don’t know where this road leads me to. I am scared that I might forget my way back and that I might not be able to go forward anymore and I wake up. I try to forget this as a nightmare but the thought remains, my sub conscience refuses to give up on it, and so the nightmare keeps coming.

Man is the only animal with the ability to think. I don’t really know if that is helping us or not. Is this a bane in disguise of boon? Given this ability where do we use it most often? We use it to analyze the past. But why do we do that? Well, some of you might defend your thought process and say we analyze it so that we don’t repeat the mistakes we had done before. But is that all? Often we analyze situations where we were not at fault, where we didn’t have a control and we start thinking so much that our mind clogs with regret. That’s a homicide. Yes, it’s not suicide because you are not killing yourself but homicide because you are killing the voice inside you; you are hushing that voice and blaming it for all the unfair days. Little by little, your regrets are going to kill your intuitive voice inside you. What then? You will still be alive but you will be a source of negative vibe. And do you really want to waste your life like that?

Why am I bringing this up now? Why am I questioning our thought process like I wish we weren’t the only animals having this special ability to think? Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against us being a thinking animal. What I am actually trying to point out here is we shouldn’t pile up our head with things that we cannot control ‘cause in that process you shall lose the opportunity to think about the situation that you can control. Few days back I was sitting in my hostel room and was introspecting on my life. I was trying to draw the pattern of my life. I was trying to weigh my successes and failures till now. And now I realize even though I didn’t get what I always wanted, I just got what I deserve. And that’s the twist of fate.

In my school days I used to think I shall be studying with statistics or mathematics as my mom is a mathematics teacher. She used to make me feel confident about the subject and I used to assume that I am going to be in the field of statistics. But then I got over that feeling. Next I bumped into languages. Hindi and English were the two languages primarily taught throughout our school years and I was so fascinated with the literature. Story books were food for my new life. I used to live my life from book cover to book cover. Classical English were part of our curriculum in class 9 and 10 and I was swept in awe. People in my class were crying their heart out for the terrible words they were unable to grasp or memorize. I never found myself able to relate to them. For me that was best curriculum CBSE could have ever planned. So, now the next think I thought was I will become a teacher but a language teacher. So I kept reading both Hindi and English literature and tried to make myself for confident in using both the languages, even though in the years that followed the two languages were just a compulsory part of our curriculum and not much in focus. 

In my higher studies I got into science field and just struggled my way out of that. Then out of nowhere I found myself studying Microbiology. I had dreamt of being a lawyer or a journalist or a teacher or an artist or do something in biology. But never had I thought about this particular subject. So then a voice inside me said “Let the bygone be by gone. Now, go with the flow”.

I took a step forward in anticipation that I might give up on it soon. But I am a person wired not to give up. I might just wane and cry and weep and shout saying “Enough I will quit now” but that ends there. Quitting isn’t something I have done as of yet. As a result, I am here now, in Pondicherry, doing my masters in Microbiology. And what do I feel about it? No, I won’t say I feel “I finally know what I really wanted to do for so long and I am doing it!” I haven’t yet reached that stage yet. But what I can really admit is I feel just fine. Whatever courses of events took over in my life and whatever choices I and destiny made has brought me to this point. Through my failures I am learning to build myself every day. I am working on myself, every single day. And I am going to continue doing that.

Not all that we dream of comes true in real life. But that doesn’t mean we made bad choices. I somehow feel I am doing what I am doing in life, not just because I made a decision, but my fate made a decision too. Both the times when I had given large number of applications and entrance exams, I was making a decision of taking one step ahead. Next step was being chosen. I am here for I worked and someone out there chose me for this course. I am here for I got selected by the nature to live. I am here because I took a step ahead and gave destiny a chance to choose me.

So what are you going to do now? Will still continue to think over past and dream about future? Will you still hug your regrets while you go to bed tonight? Or are you going to set them free and let your mind lives at peace?

As a true optimist and believer, I would just tell you, if your back is against the wall don’t sit down and wail. Kick the wall and use the momentum to move forward. Keep fighting if you want to survive and win. Don’t expect and do not regret.

Tribute to my creators on earth

Hello my dear fellow bloggers,

Today is weekend, even though I had one class in the morning…but still it was just one class. It’s Saturday. But is that it? In India today is the day, every children is busy making their own efforts to pay tribute to the people who held their hand in the world outside their home… their Teachers. I believe teachers mold us into a human being. Our parents brought us to this world, but our teachers are the one who make us strong enough to survive in this world. I hear everyone around me say this at least once in their lifetime – ‘my mother is my first teacher’. For me this sentence is true both literally and metaphorically. My mother is a teacher in high school. In fact, she was my class teacher when I was in 9^th and 10^th standard. Before that she used to take our mathematics classes too. Metaphorically, my mother has been my teacher ever since she has brought me to this earth. She blessed me with all little virtues of life. She taught me there is a life other than studies too. Howsoever tired she was after her day’s work, she never sighed once when she took me and my sister for our vocational classes. She holds our dreams in her mind as her own. On my first day to school she told me ‘Even if I am there inside the school building, if you have any problem in your class, first go to your class teacher. Inside this school gate, I am your teacher and we don’t have any personal ties. Your teachers are your guardians when you are in school.’ I followed her words till the end of my school days. Every other teacher’s wards used to take undue advantage from the school. But I never walked through that path as I followed my mother’s instructions very carefully. At the end of my school years, I was more close to my school teachers than my own mother, and my mother was really happy about this.

I had many teachers during my school days who made a mark in building my character. I am what I am today all because of them. During my primary school days our class teacher, Usha Singh Madam, was my ideal. I love her till now, and the respect I have for her is what I have for my mother. Usha mam never scolded us, or spoke to us in raised voice. And yet, under her supervision our class was the most disciplined class of all. Each and every student in our class loved her. She had this enigma in her that if you attend her one class, you will definitely come back for the next. I remember how she left us all crying our heart out when she got transferred to a different school. We prayed for one whole year for her comeback. I remember I even tried wishing for a ‘mannat’ when I visited a temple known to make wishes come true and asked for Usha mam’s return. She taught me that we don’t need to raise our voice, but to raise the standard of our opinion to win an argument. She taught me that if we deal with patience, we can make impossible become possible. She taught me to persevere through tough days and to never give up.

Later in my high school days, I had many teachers who shaped my mindset and outlook. My class teacher, Madhulika mam, is whom I call my second mother. She understood my love for the subject, Hindi and helped me gain knowledge about the subject. She used to share her poetic interests in Hindi, and her collections of poems always made me curious to dig in more. My English teacher, Nandita madam, strengthened my hold on the subject, not just on the papers, but she took that extra effort to make me confident to speak. My teachers always used to motivate me. There were days when I gave up but there were never a moment when my teachers gave up on me.

The list of my teachers who built me from ruins goes on and on… the names I didn’t take aren’t missing because I forgot about them. But taking names of all of them would end my making my blog a novel instead. Dear teachers, thank you for building me from ruins and making me who I am today. I owe my life’s every bit of success to you. Thank you letting me free to do some mistakes and learn from them in the end. Thank you for teaching me how to choose between right and wrong. Thank you for blessing me with your guidance and love…

There is another thing special about today. It’s birthday of the person who guided Arjun in Mahabharata by becoming his charioteer – Lord Sri Krishna. Happy Janmashtami, friends. 

Routine or Unpredictable - choice is yours

Hello my dear fellow bloggers, how you have been? My days are going a bit unpredictable and exhausting. But then, that’s how life is, right? You expect something and you receive something else. Why does that happen? Well no one knows why and this unpredictable range of events becomes exhausting. But it shouldn’t be exhausting if we all claim to love surprises. The thing is we like the surprises that are within the limits of our imagination and expectation. Others are sheer source of disappointment.
I know expectations get us tricked into wanting more and wishing for more. So, how to get rid of this source of disappointment? Let’s try to renovate our thought process and our behavioral nature. Suppose you know everything that is going to happen today and tomorrow. You know what troubles you are going to face, you know which happy news are coming your way, you know what surprise package is about to arrive at your doorstep. You know all the events that are on your way. How does that feel? Safe? Happy?  I don’t think we are ready for this kind of predictable life. I mean given this situation the events won’t be just probable events, they will be “sure” events. Let it be good stuff or bad stuff, you can’t stop the event from occurring. How does that really feel? Even while I am suggesting the idea, I am having goose bumps.
I am a Paulo Coelho fan. Quoting him “You think adventure is risky? Try routine. It’s fatal.” And I completely agree with him. There is a tinge of magic in our lives. The source of this tiny pixie dust is the nature of events in our lives – unpredictable. Happy news won’t be exhilarating if we can predict their arrival, isn’t it? And trust me even if you think that if only you knew this trouble is going to come up you would have been prepped up for it, it’s not true. Howsoever you try; you can never be prepared enough to face the troubles or anything else for that matter.
Don’t go on banking your schedules behavioral changes on the probable occurrence of some event. Just step out there into the world. Take chances. Build yourself strong. Teach yourself to be brave. Teach yourself to stand up for yourself. Learn self defense. Learn to care for others. Learn to broaden your thoughts. Challenge yourself every day. Push your limits. Revive your imagination and creativity. Let your soul breathe and thrive.
There are not enough answers to our “whys”. This is because we ask “whys” to steer our soul, to spark our thought process but we end up feeling empty and worthless.
Stop your whys and start with how. “How can you make things better?” “How can you improve yourself?” “how not to ask questions that lead to disappointed alleys?”
“How to live without regrets?”
Get answers to the “Hows” and you won’t be bothered about the “ Whys” anymore.

Sound of Silence

Teenage years: we all have been there and came out of them. Some of you might have just entered this “golden to remember, rocky to get through” phase of your life. And some of you, like me, believe in the fact that even when you have crossed 19, you are still a teenager. 

People say teenagers are weird, confused, without any aim in life. Well if that is still the definition of a teenager, I am still in my teens. I feel I was surer about what I want in my life during my teenage years. As I am growing up, in my “tys” , I miss my teenage years. Life used to be easier those days. Or at least that’s what I feel as I am looking back now. I had some determination in my mind, some achievements I could boast about and some true friends. Those friends I made in my school days, I still have them. They are still my source of strength. I trust them and I love them. And they reciprocate the same towards me.

The wheel of time rolled on and we grew up. We are adults now, according to law, not according to our Indian parents.

 Indian parents have a good trap of words and intelligent policies in their bag of replies. When they want you to start working and stop robbing them, they will tag you with “adult” tag. “You are grown up now. You should bear your own expenses. Go get a job and make our lives easier. Don’t become a couch potato or we won’t pay your bills anymore” and blah blah blah. But try to ask for permission to go for a tour with friends to hills of Manali. And they will play their “ you are still a kid” card. I feel much of my difficulty to believe in the fact that I am an adult now and not a teenager anymore, comes from my parents’ continuous flip of cards.

During my school days, we used to have “life skills” classes. They used to teach us how to deal with peer pressure, parental pressure and study stress and all. It would have been realistically more effective if we could get those lessons now in our post graduate years. I never faced any pressure or trouble from my peers during my school days. But right from my college days to my university days, I am having hard time dealing with this stress. Now that you are legally adults you should be free to choose and free to take your stand. Without any fear or without any doubts in mind, you should follow what you feel is right. But do you get to do that always?

One day a boy was walking on the footpath, swinging his arms high. By mistake, he hit an old man, with his hand, who was coming from the other side. The old man was angry as his nose was hurting now. He asked the boy “Why are you walking like this?” The boy said “I am sorry but it wasn’t my mistake. You should have been more careful while walking. I was moving my arms as I have the freedom of movement.” The old man composed himself and said “My young man, remember this for the next time. Your freedom of movement ends where my nose begins”.

This is the situation we all might relate to in some or the other times in our lives. Everything we get in life comes with hidden terms and conditions. Of course you have freedom of movement, but you cannot take a step that would make you the villain in eyes of some people. Of course you have the freedom of speech but you cannot speak a word against people who might never think once before complaining about you. Why not? Well, ‘cause you are supposed to be the nice one. You are supposed not to mess up with people who have all the freedom in the world to play with your life. While a crowd is misguided and fortunately or unfortunately you are part of that crowd, then, may god save you! Any effort on your part to give the crowd a right direction is going to make you seem to stand out. The crowd’s previous leaders may not like it and they will make you burn in their wrath.

How do you keep your ability to differentiate between right and wrong alive under such situations? You chose to do nothing. You chose to go with the flow even though you know there is a waterfall ahead and you are going to die while you fall from such great heights. At moments like these, you realize not everything in life is black and white. There are different shades of grey and we are living in those grey shades.
                       I don’t know if this is the right way to deal with the situation. But if you are stuck in a situation like me where you know whatever you say or do is going to be framed and used against you, best policy is to keep quiet. Just assume that you are dumb and you cannot speak a word. And if people start getting on your nerves just tell yourself, they can’t harm you without you giving them a reason to. So for the best of two world, to deal with all these peer pressure, all you need to do is Be Quiet.

Life is not a fair teacher, it’s a cruel boss. But we all are going to get through every day and become stronger. Hakuna Matata. Breathe in and breathe out. Just get through the days- one day at a time.

Goodnight everyone.

The quest that never ends...

A journey starts as you head for a new city. My journey started when i left Kolkata for Pondicherry. Even though Kolkata is a metro city, I wanted to move out of the city.

 I wanted to be closer to nature, somewhere where my heart would have been at peace. And thus I crossed miles… and reached Pondicherry. I came here in search of the sea. The first day I went to the sea, I felt I am where I belong. The continuous never ending waves, the breeze with splashes of water… the lullaby waves would sing to the spectators- and I fell in love with sea all over again.

One fine morning, before sun woke up, I and my friends walked to the beach to welcome the sun. Cool breeze made us shiver. But all sleepy head got hung high in happiness as we reached the beach. We saw sun rising slowly high up on the sky. I ran in to the waters, leaving my foot prints as I ran splashing waters. I felt little five years old who had just overcome all her fears of water. 

But in sometime, the sea started affecting me in a strange way… I started realizing how far I have come from all my near and dear ones. I have reached a destination where I have a home among my friends, my home away from home. But my heart is still not at peace. I was searching faces of my loved ones.. and each time the waves touched my feet and went away.. I felt getting more and more distant. I was drifting away. I was there yet my mind was wandering. “If you wish to find where your heart is, let your mind wander freely. Where your mind reaches is where your heart resides”.

I was dragged back to the present day as my friends’ laughter interrupted my conversation with the waves. A tear left my eye.. and I walked back to my friends. All the time we will miss something or the other, but that can’t stop us from living in this moment..

And my meeting with sea didn’t end here. This summer I had to attend training in the city of dreams- Mumbai. This city never fails to welcome me with the kind of warmth we feel when we go back home. 

In eyes of a person who came from Kolkata and had spent a year in Pondicherry, the life in Mumbai city is a world of fantasy. The speed with which everything moved… the way everyone was moving on to meet another opportunity, another hope to make their dreams come true. Initially, I experienced two weeks of hot summer of Mumbai. 

And then I started counting days to experience the most hyped weather of Mumbai- Rain – the love of my life!!! And trust me I was never more happy to meet rain than I found myself as I met Mumbai rain… it was one evening when I was travelling in Mumbai local (the most convenient public commute of the city- I mean it!), and down came the rain... the first rain of Mumbai. City lights where gleaming through the rain drops. I felt rain embrace me with cool breeze and drizzle as I stood beside ladies compartment door. 

One lady saw me enjoying the sight of rain and she said “Wondering why rain came at night and not during the hot torturing day time? Actually God knows, the people in this city will curse him for sending the first rain while they just left for their work in the morning. Just to make us realize that we are blessed… he sent the first rain at this time”. I smiled back at the lady… and resumed my first rain experience in the city of dreams.

Did you watch “Wake Up Sid”? I am kind of in love with that movie. And for that reason and many more, I wished to experience rain and sea together once. And yeah, with the help of my guarding angel, my companion, my wish came true. Mumbai had totally embraced rain. Mumbai and rain were like two lost lovers, united after a long time.
 We reached Marine Drive… and oh god! Rain, Mumbai, Sea- the soulful combination- welcomed us with a smile. As I type these words the memory is so live in my mind, I am feeling Goosebumps … and my lips are curving up to a big smile. My companion had a umbrella open… but the child in my heart wanted to feel the rain. So as we sat there gazing at the sea silently, we were on our own. We both were individuals in independent exclusive conversation with the sea. I was drenched in happiness… for me nothing could have replaced that moment I was experiencing. I was in love with Mumbai… and once again, I was where my heart was. And I felt I was at home- the place I belong to.

I would have been in love with Rain-Sea combination had I not experienced rain- hills view. The lush green Lonavla hills…. The endless waterfalls… bus speeding through the rain drenched roads… I felt I was alive only for that moment. My heart told me I just fell in love again… and this time it wasn’t sea. It was the lush green mountains…

My journey has just begun… I am traveler in my mind… I will be traveler on foot someday soon…

I left home for the love of Sea… and now I can’t set myself free. I am yearning for the mountains… I was following my heart.. but on the way my heart wandered somewhere out there… to be in Mother Nature’s lap.Amalgamation of Sea and Mountains----someday might quench my thirst to travel. And there shall be a reunion. My heart will meet my soul.

Bong wedding

This is a page from my diary i would like to share with you people :

Have you ever been to a traditional bong wedding? Being a bong I have been to more than one since my childhood. And today is one of the most important Bong wedding I am going to attend. Today is my sister, Anwesha’s wedding.

I had many a things planned to do for her wedding- get my hair smoothening done, buy a lens and what not. But as we all know man proposes God disposes. So yesterday I gave my last semester exam of my 1^st semester and now I am 35000 feet above the ground – off to wedding! My friends back at hostel are more excited about this wedding. They are all those people who miss home at some point of time. And I am that one person who is always happy to be away from home. Even today I don’t even feel like going and staying at home. I just wanna attend the wedding and head back hostel soon. Yes, I know I sound crazy but I guess I find my peace when I am away from home.

Okay now focus on bong wedding. I will surely give you all a detailed account of this wedding I am about to attend but before that if I ask you what is your favourite part of bong wedding if you ever attended any? Tell me your favorite part in the comment box. Meanwhile let me tell you my favourite part.

*Shubho Drishti* this is the best moment for me. Its that one moment when the bride’s eyes meet the groom’s eyes and even if the bride has seen the groom in what-so-ever get ups- formal, casual, tradiotional- she never saw him as handsome as he looks now in front of him. Every bong girl dreams of this moment. And the guy, for him, that moment proved again that he surely loves this girl in front of him, for she looks just as the way he dreamt her to look on their wedding date- or may be reality is more beautiful than dream J

Now I am in flight and I guess I should sleep for some time. Beauty sleep J